what now?

my friend John Davis sent me this email yesterday. maybe my view is skewed, but i think it pretty well sums up a lot of our feelings right about now. he went to Israel with a Christian Peacemaker Team last summer. click his name to learn more about that. i love that little prayer of saint francis with which he closes.


Ken,

Hey, I tried to post a comment on your blog but it's not workin' for me right now.

So Bush has won the election. Like you I voted for Kerry yesterday.

The only thing good about the coverage last night was that they actually gave Nader some airtime on a major network while he thrashed the whole event and how the people of this country will continue to lose no matter if Kerry or Bush wins.

4 more years of Bush is so depressing. Canada's looking real good right now.

I guess I have to ask myself if my life for the next 4 years will really be impacted either way, and it is unlikely that I'd be impacted by who is president. But SO many marginalized people will continue to be marginalized that it makes me sick to my stomach. SO many young people will die in Iraq and in our streets. SO many people voted for Bush because of Abortion and I'm convinced that no matter who is in office this country will continue to kill the innocent.

Be like Jesus. Be little Christs. Jesus's kingdom is not of this world. The government will never do what Jesus would do, and what we believe we should do as followers of the Gospel. So why do I want justice from a government? Why do I want justice in this world?

I want it because I get so damn tired of all of us walking around trying to live the lives that this world ALLOWS us to, instead of living the way of the Gospels and finding our true potential as followers of Him. I no longer want to be a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing little to nothing about it. I no longer want to let cynicism ran rampant in my life. I no longer want to doubt God's power in my life and in the lives of those around me. I'm ready to cast down my crown of fear. I'm ready to do good works as a result of my faith in the One who saved me.

Why isn't everyone else able to do the same? Are people happy to live such limited, oblivious lives of quiet desperation? Can we realy continue to buy into this evil, sinful culture and continue to consume on an unprecedneted level? On another note, and more importantly, are my "why can't people be more..." thoughts and actions really just me being judgemental, narrow-minded and unloving?

Part of me wants the world to be fair, the world to make sense. Logic states that in many situations, someone should be able to objectively find where someone is getting rich at the expense of another and "make it right".

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I write this and know that I'm sick of writing it, sick of feeling it.

BUT by worrying so much about the world at large, there's a good chance that I'm focusing my attention and emotions on something I can't control. And the more I do this, the more I ever so slightly stop thinking of what I could do around here, what I could do, what Jesus would do, the more Satan has won the battle over John Davis. The more exasperated I am and pissed off and resigned to the state of this shitty world, the more I've been taken out of the only battle that I can really be a part of.

The only battle I can win is the battle for my own heart. If I can overcome the forces of darkness in my own heart, mind and soul, then and only then can I really help anyone else. Only by depending on my savior Jesus Christ do I have any change of winning this struggle and only by His grace and mercy can I have ANY positive impact on others.

My life without Him is nothing. My heart is a burned out shell of what He wants it to be.

Jesus, strip me down. Remove my bitterness. Remove my hatred and my anger. Show me how to love in the face of my own brokenness and resentment. Show me how to love everyone around me, how I can see your face in rich and poor, black and white, Democrat and Republican, Conservative and Liberal, friend and enemy. Teach me how to be quiet and listen to people, really listen, because when I do you show me their joys and pains, you enable me to know how YOU can help them through me. Let me focus on helping, serving, loving without borders and limits. Show me what Reckless love really is. Give me your tongue of fire, your Spirit of compassion, and then move me to action, not words or grudges.

Help me to find peace in my own heart so that the trials and tribulations of this life cannot phase me.

I want the vision that you have to see past this painful world, to see your grand purposes for everything. Let me live in that world, in that splendor. Let me laugh and sing your praises because I finally know that my pathetic self is constantly being held in your arms and loved more than life itself.

Help me to see and operate in your kingdom as it is and as it will be, and not live in this morally bankrupt world that I allow myself to see as the only reality.

You are my king, my Abba, my President of All Things Holy. Nothing or no one else matters.

I pray for you to make me an instrument of your peace.

I love you Jesus. Amen.